So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize