? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
