Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
