I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize