Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
