Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
