i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
