I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
