Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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