Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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