Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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