I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize