I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
