I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
