There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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