hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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