He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
