I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
