I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
