my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
