I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
