looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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