Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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