Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
