how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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