Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
