My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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