Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
