So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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