I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
