and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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