im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
