Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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