i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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