just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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