Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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