he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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