i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
