Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
