He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
