I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
