do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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