Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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