pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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