That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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