she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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