I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
