Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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