dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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