in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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