I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
