i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize