Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
