i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
