Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
