So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
