I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
