I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
