:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
