exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
