im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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