Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
