Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
