That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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