I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
