Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
