The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
