my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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