Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
