Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
